What do I wish that I had heard at her age from friends, family, teachers? What does she want to hear from me?
How do I know that she is making friends with the 'right' girls? How does she know?
This parenting thing is hard, and it's getting harder. The late night feedings and diaper changes were hard but this is new territory. When a baby wakes in the night, you go through the drill, is she: wet, dry, hungry, sick, lonely?
The pre-teen sobbies happen anytime day or night and it's a whole new drill, and the list of possibilities is much different, is she: upset, happy, sad, mad, frustrated, tired, hungry? What is the source, school, homework, rules, friends, enemies, family, the weather, the dog, her favorite shirt in the laundry, ipod needs charged, out of granola bars and chocolate yogurt again?!
When she was a baby, the routine was: new diaper, bottle, hum a song and rock-rock-rock-rock until you get the heavy, relaxed, sleepy baby feel. Now, it's a big hug, a kleenex, a drink and stand/sit there and listen as long as it takes to calm down and offer a few words of 'wisdom'.
The science fan in me loves this description of tears:
“tears are [our] body’s release valve for stress, sadness, grief, anxiety, and frustration…they lubricate your eyes, remove irritants, reduce stress hormones, and they contain antibodies that fight pathogenic microbes.” Dr. Judith Orloff, Psychology Today
The Mom in me reads this description to say, that tears are necessary. Whether your baby is 11 days or 11 1/2 years, they need to let the tears flow.
I'm the first to admit that I'm just winging it here, not really sure what I'm doing or if I'm screwing it all up big-time. The secret of it all is that 'children thrive in spite of their mothers' (Thank you, Grandma Harkin). It's going to be okay if I just wing it, it's okay if I don't have all of the answers. The intent to be a good parent is there, and I try to not screw it up too much. The next 10 years or so are going to be hard on her, hard on me, somedays hard on anyone in earshot.
